⚓ Mission Debrief • Navy beat Army. Mission accomplished.
Objective: BEAT ARMY. Status: COMPLETED.
This was once the command center for pregame morale operations. Now it is a shrine to outcome: Navy beat Army. The goat is smug. The mule is confused. Balance has been restored to the rivalry.
Today’s morale is loading… and the internet remains 80% highlights, 20% Army coping strategies.
Pro tip: when someone says “good game,” you reply with “Beat Army (still).” and nod like you’re signing the victory report.
Beat-Army Status
100%
Mission complete. Probability that Navy beat Army remains at 100% across all timelines.
Goat Energy Index
-- / 10
warming up…
Total Witnesses
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Counting browsers who came to admire the outcome.
Time Since Victory
Navy beat Army. This timer measures how long we’ve been talking about it.
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Days
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Hours
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Minutes
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Seconds
After Action Report (AAR)
Mission: Beat Army • Status: Accomplished
Headline Results
- Navy: more points. Army: fewer points. Analysis complete.
- Alma mater sung second. As required by natural law and tradition.
- Mule morale: heavily degraded, currently under observation.
- Goat morale: off the charts; may require its own airspace clearance.
Key Takeaways
- Defense: stout enough to be filed under “historical documents.”
- Offense: productive, replayable, and very inconvenient for Army fans.
- Special teams: legally classified as “a problem” for the opposition.
- Trash talk ROI: extremely high. Continue investing in this program next year.
Celebration Guidance
Approved activities include:
• Sending tasteful 🐐 emojis to Army friends (max 3 per day… for now).
• Using “Beat Army (again)” as your email signature for at least 72 hours.
• Re-watching the alma mater from every available angle and camera shot.
• Casually working “as we all saw in the game” into completely unrelated meetings.
• Sending tasteful 🐐 emojis to Army friends (max 3 per day… for now).
• Using “Beat Army (again)” as your email signature for at least 72 hours.
• Re-watching the alma mater from every available angle and camera shot.
• Casually working “as we all saw in the game” into completely unrelated meetings.
Intel Brief
For next year’s planning. Because we’re absolutely doing this again.
Situation (Updated)
- Army attempted to look serious. Outcome: they still lost.
- Navy brought pageantry and yelling. Outcome: scoreboard in agreement.
- Ball security mattered. So did goat-fueled confidence.
- Weather was weather. Navy adapted. Army… experienced it.
Enemy mascot status: present, perplexed, and thoroughly out-goated.
Rules of Engagement (Persistent)
- Trash talk remains playful. The mission is joy + victory, not actual warfare.
- When someone says “respect,” you respond with “Beat Army (again).”
- If you see the mule, remain goat-centric and hydrated.
- Never let Army control the narrative. We have the receipts and the highlights.
Arsenal of Trash Talk
Now with postgame smugness. Tap Copy then deploy responsibly.
Morale Ops Roster
Yes, you’re on it. Also the goat. Especially the goat.
Game Day Checklist (For Next Time)
Document what worked. Repeat what worked.
Pre-Game
- Hydrate. Victory tastes better when you’re not dehydrated.
- Warm up your voice. Your yelling has KPIs.
- Set your group chat status to “Beat Army (again, soon).”.
- Pack emergency snacks and one (1) dramatic scarf.
During Game
- At every momentum swing, whisper: “goat energy.”
- When Army completes a play, mark it as an anomaly.
- If a ref makes a call you dislike: respectfully disagree at volume.
- If the broadcast mentions tradition: take a sip (water, probably).
Postgame Protocol (Perpetual)
Step 1: Say “Beat Army.”
Step 2: Repeat Step 1 until someone asks what year you’re talking about.
Step 3: Answer “yes.”
Step 4: Text your Army friends a single emoji: 🐐
Step 2: Repeat Step 1 until someone asks what year you’re talking about.
Step 3: Answer “yes.”
Step 4: Text your Army friends a single emoji: 🐐